Farting Etiquettes September 26, 2008
Posted by Nikhil in entertainment, friends, funny, life.Tags: abstract, energy, entertainment, farting, farting etiquette, friends, fuel, funny, general ramblings, howto, humor, humour, life, love, nikhil kumar, poem, poetry, random, sanskrit, smelly, stink, thoughts, toilet humor, travel, wind energy
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Whatever size, form or shape, toilet humor has always brought a smile to people’s faces. So, even if someone does not like the idea of a whole post on Farting Etiquette, what the fart? I’ll still write it.
Mankind I have always harbored an admiration for the powerful forces of nature. Wind energy is the next best thing to fossil fuels, and as long as there’s food on the planet, there will be farts.
Breaking wind is an essential fart of human nature. The fart of the matter is, no one can hold it any longer than 2 hours. This is scientifically proven at the MirrorCracked labs. There are certain etiquettes when it comes to unleashing our wind upon the unsuspecting public, and not many people adhere to it.
There’s a 4-line poem in Sanskrit, which describes the different intensities of smell that are associated with different levels of farting:
Darrr-am Burrrr-am Bhayam Naasthi
(Loud, sonic-boom farts do not stink)Koiyyam Kotakasya Madhyaman
(There’s a reasonable amount of stink when the fart is squeaky and forced)
Thissssss-adhghoram Mahadhghoram
(Unbearable attack of stink forces when the fart hisses)
Nishabdham Praana Sankatam
(The unheard fart is a killer)
With this knowledge of the ages in mind, we can keep ourselves aware of what we need to do when we can’t hold it any longer. Here are a few tips on how to behave when we fart:
- If you’re alone, then let it out loudly, smile and say, “Wow, what a fart!”
- If in a meeting with 4 or more people and you very quietly let loose, then slowly start pushing your chair away from the person sitting next to you and give him/her a dirty look. Others will follow suit. This technique is called Farting The Blame.
- If you’re standing in a crowded bus, then make sure that you start pushing your way through the crowd slowly but steadily, moving towards the door, while farting quietly, so that the stink is distributed evenly throughout the length of the bus. (Not applicable outside India)
- If you’re with a girlfriend/boyfriend and you realize that you have to break wind, then play some music and tell your partner that you’ll dance for her/him. Unleash the wind energy quietly while dancing. He/she will never know. It’s easier for smokers – they can just light up to kill the stink.
- If you’re with someone who’s irritating you and you just want them to go away, then do the sonic-boom.
I sincerely hope this small but comprehensive guide helps people in distress. As usual, contact me for a free demo. 
Image Courtesy: Photobucket.com
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shucks! you had me laughing! hahaha…
>>There’s a 4-line poem in Sanskrit
Can’t stop laughing..
>>The fart of the matter is, no one can hold it any longer than 2 hours. This is scientifically proven at the MirrorCracked labs.
What an innovative thinking!! Shows your experience in all the five situations
Expecting more etiquette
if possible write email or surfing Etiquettes 
that’s Sanskrit!?
aaaah nice post .. suits perfectly for me
been looking for a guide like this.. thanks dear “farting guru”
LOL
The second tip “Farting The Blame” has become so common nowadays in the IT offices. It has become a common practice for someone to just fart and make faces towards his neighbor
..Especially after a heavy afternoon lunch..
CEOs & Managers r not supposed to fart, you see!
And the manager leads the list here in introducing innovative methods.. The more one grows in the Org chart, the more subtle their farting methods
Excellent advice
yuk yuk yuk….
Dude!!! Tell me one thing! how do you come up with things like this. Do you book a room and spend all your day in intellectual solitude and write such enlightened posts. do tell us your secret!!!!
Demo ???
So nice of you buddy!
Man! you are just impossible !
I cjust cant stop farting..oops…laughing now !!!!!
And free demo??? Do you keep this ready all the time ?
truly funny !
the ancients were far more sensible than us…
and, my grandmom kept using the line ‘nishabdam prana sankatam’ when ever there was an offensive smell..
haha, i laughed out loud at this one. or is it farted out loud?
no, no, laughed.
Looks like a follow up post… to your “Dummy…” Series… should have titled this Dummies Guide to Farting
hey bhagwaan!!!
This post is Fartastic. Laughed out loud. Why don’t you post a part of it in LOL? Another technique is if you leave a slightly noisy one, you adjust the chair pretending that the chair was noisey.
@Sakhi – Farting is a natural thing. There is nothing Yuky about it
ha ha … as vimmu said ur are just impossible..
you should have titled dummy’s guide to fart away
Darrr-am Burrrr-am Bhayam Naasthi
ROFL
man why dont u collect all this and publish a book again…
i will write a review too if u send me a free copy again
LIVE DEMONSTRATION??!! No thanks.
I think I’ll pass. 
I’ll keep my farts to myself. 
what a reason to smoke!
http://numenorean-tango.blogspot.com/
ROFL !
Yu’re impossible…yu’re just farting hilarious, man!!!
Hehe…*Farting The Blame.* LOL !!!!
YUCK !!
You’re Hopeless !!
Am always in a hurry and I saw ting & etiquettes and assumed it to be *eating etiquettes* few words later I went back to check the Title
By 3rd you mean the phissssssssss effect????
Yuck!!!!! did I say that????
No, the blame is on you
BTW Free demo??? Yuck!!! again.
What the fart!!!
Ha ha ha ha ha ha
, Brilliant Dude.
I have something for you
Do drop in at
http://books-life-n-more.blogspot.com/2008/09/of-tags-awards-dev-anand.html
As I told you, gross!!!!!! and you call this etiquette?!?
LMFAO!!!
ha ha ha ha!!!!
Ok Mr. Fart.
Thanks for the info.
….and thanks for completing the sloka…
i just had the first and last lines in a diff way….
boom boom parimalam naasthi
kash kash praana sankatam
I just saw a terrible film. Now I wonder who’s better; people who make bad films or people who don’t make bad films but stink well.
My god!!! Where do you get these ideas from … And how many of these techniques have you tried yourself.. Speaking from experience is it
mysoundingboard123@wordpress.com
unbelievably hilarious !
Some people, aaaah… can’t work up a sense of humor. And the others, like me, are called intelligent!
ROTFFMAO (Roll On The Floor FARTING My Ass Off)
(Solitaire’s Shrek story also has a lot of Fartikipedia entries)
Woah…If you created that Sanskrit poem, then kudos to you!! Very innovative. Btw, how does dancing with your girlfriend make her not notice the smell? What about people with two left feet?
Dearth of topics? Or is this the magic art of seeing the silver lining in a related fiasco? If its the latter, can we have details of the fiasco please?
@Illuminator – If you have two left feet, use one of them to step on the left foot of your girlfriend.
Dude I never want to be in the same bus or the meeting room with you !!!!
Or lets say anywhere near you.
hilarious man !
Good observations.
And I guess your research will be widely appreciated by the farting community.
Rofl
….. so whats the next guide book on ?:P
whoa. farts farts farts. what the fuck! oops, i mean what the fart. lol.
NB: i m using ur own words. lol.
@Subtlebliss
Welcome to MirrorCracked!
Hehe!
@Teky
LOL… Thanks man! I’ll try the other ones too!
@Sandeep
Yeah!
@Dinu
You’re welcome! Anytime!
@Harsha
Hehehe!! Yeah! So true!
@MaureenJ
Welcome to MirrorCracked!
Thanks!
@Sakhi
Hmmm…
@Barath
Haha! Nothing so deep, man. I’ve reached enlightenment at a very young age, you know
@Vimal
Hahahaha!!! No, only on special request!
@Harini Calamur
Welcome to MirrorCracked!
Hehehehe!! Yeah! Grannies know best! Heheheh!
@Sulz
You are sure it was a laugh?
@Vijay
Hehehe!! Yeah! Should’ve done that!
@Nova
LOL..!!
@Dinesh
Hehehe! Yeah! I’ll do that!
@Arvind
LOL, yea man!
And don’t worry, you’ll get the first copy this time!
@Anniyan
Hehehehe! As you wish, sir!
@Vishesh
Ah! The only one here who has read between the lines!! Hat’s off!!
@Anon
Welcome to MirrorCracked!
@Scorpria
HEhehe! Thanks!
@Priya
Hehehehehe!!
@Smita
LOL!!! You said it, not me!
@Reema
What the fart, indeed!
@Chirax
LOL, thanks man!
@Smita
Oh wow! Thanks!!!!
@Apar
Yeah! It is!!
@Harish
Hehehe!! It’s awesome, isn’t it??
@Solitaire
Oh, you’re welcome! Anytime!!
@Katya
I wonder… I think people who watch terrible films stink the most.
@MySoundingBoard
Hehehe! Well, almost!
@Meghana
Thanks!
@Kris Bass
Hahaha! Yeah, intelligence is over-rated anyway!
@The Illuminator
Hmmm… It’s kinda tough, and it takes some practice… Depends on how good a dancer she is! And no, the poem has been passed on from generation to generation!
Avionic Spanker
Haha! Call it subtle sarcasm! Been a crappy week!
@Xylene
Hahaha! Don’t worry, you won’t even know!
And thanks!
@Piyu
I don’t know! Lemme think…
@Vaidehi
Hehehehe! Yeah! What the fart??
Replying to 40 comments in one go! Must be some sort of a record!
Aaargghhh!!! You are impossible!
What’s next? bad breath?
Btw, do you have an online version of the demo for outstation clients????
Ewwwwwwwwwww….
Such a disgusting post!
YUCK!
You are just so funny!
the Chennai university should give u a PHD
Dr in Phartology
One question saar
which fart is more dangerous the silent one (generally the smelly fart) or the noisy one ?
Totally howlarious but I don’t think they’re fart etiquettes rather they are creative ways to hide that one farted.
hehehhee… farting the blame .. !!!
this was really funny… loved readin it .. !!!
@Amit
Halitosis has it’s pluses…
@Vimal
I can try!
@Prarthana
Hahahha!!
@Raji
Thanks!
@Prax
Why Chennai University? And I think the second one is more dangerous!
@Riti
Welcome to MirrorCracked!
Yeah, well… I should’ve paid more attention to the title!
@Anu
LOL… Glad you enjoyed it!
@ Dinesh
Arey baba i know it but to write a post on it and to eloborate it to this extent i find yukky… other wise you don’t even know what sorts of things doctors do or have to do and still don’t up turn the nose in slightest!!
We know physiology…
I still maintain my stand.. this is a yukky post!
I hv heard this poem in Sanskrit about farting ..
Dhadak Padam Bahut Gandham
Phus-Phus Padam Kadi Na Gandham !!
But it was a great post .. I’m glad that u r back in the style which suites u the best !!
I think I misplaced the words in poem and the whole meaning has changed ..
Let me rectify it ..
Dhadak Padam Kadi Na Gandham
Phus-Phus Padam Bahut Gandham !!
There is a saying, One who smiles while farting has got someone else to blame.
@ Soham
That’s sanskrit??
ROFL!!!
r u from kumarans?
U pic the university then
just guessed because it is the biggest one in the south
I have a big burly couple in the neighborhood who are expert in creating the most dangerous fart – the hbomb fart – poison gas releasing really really loud ones.
If you can change the time stamp of the post, we can nominate it for most insane post….
Cheating
@Soham
That’s Sanskrit?
@Anshul
Oh totally agree!!
@Kaddhu
Nope, I’m from Sardar Patel High!
@Prax
The H-Bomb Fart!! Lovely! I gotta meet this couple!
@Anshul
Hahahahaha!! Personal edification was never high on my list, man! Thanks anyway!
Hilarious, I laughed so hard, crazy!
[...] Line Author: Anshul Farting Etiquettes (Nominated 2 times) Author: Nikhil Letter to an Asshole Author: Nikhil The Hitchhikers Guide to [...]
@Sakhi – @Nikhil:
That is a mixture of hindi + sanskrit .. Why r u both worrying abt the language?? .. It has got deep meaning .. U should grasp that .. LOL !!
Ewww~ this must explain all the gtalk personal messages! Ewwww!
great one…as long as food is there,farting will be a fact!
And is that really Sanskrit?!
BTW,as a fart of matter,I was away from internet world for a complete 10/12 days.
Can’t believe there are about 60 fools who call this post a hilarious one! Just ‘cos everyone admires your work, doesn’t mean you stoop this low!! Pathetic humor.
@Girlwithoutshoes
Welcome to MirrorCracked!
Thanks!
@Soham
Hehehe!! Yeah man, I was just imitating Sakhi!
@Shivya
Hahahaha! Yes!
@Ameya
Welcome back!
@Priyaa
Call me a fool, call me whatever insult you can think of, but never EVER call my readers and those who comment here as fools! You have no right to judge them! If you think I’ve stooped low, then just say that! Do not ever abuse my readers. One more comment where you call my readers as fools or anything like that, I’m blocking you. If you want to know what I do to people like you, please read this…
And I wouldn’t mind mentioning your email ID and the IP in such a post (if you ever force me to write one) so that others may block you!
Cheers!
I had such a Good time Reading this one
HaHaHaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
‘BooM BooM’
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hilarious piece of fart!
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