The Love Guru! :)

(Post inspired by Aravind and his bad luck! Don’t worry, dude! I’ll help you out)

This post is meant primarily for men, and single ones at that. Men who would want to try out their luck in wooing a woman and want some inside information on how to go about doing this without being slapped in public, can read this with the assurance that you won’t be disappointed. This post comes from someone who’s been there and done that when it comes to asking women out on dates, making a complete fool of myself and finally, succeeding. If women want to read this, please do, it’s probably going to make you smile at how little men know about women.

No offense is meant to anyone, unless specifically named. 😀

Ok, first things first, my fellow readers – ask yourself the following three questions and if and only if the answer to all three is “Yes” then continue. Otherwise, this post is not for you. Women, ignore the previous two sentences. 😀

1. Are you a man?

2. Have you ever had a crush before?

3. Was your crush a woman?

Ok, now that we’ve eliminated the kids and the fairies, let’s get down to some serious information dissemination session!

Women don’t like nerds! Don’t show off your intelligence to women! Act dumb! Not too dumb, because that could be a huge turn-off! Show them that you’re a perfectly normal, average guy, who flunks a couple of exams and yet manages to get placed in a pretty nice company. And I don’t mean a call-center! Call center guys are NOT the ‘hot trend’ nowadays! 😀

Let’s take a hypothetical example, you’ll understand better. Suppose there is this really really hot chick whom you want to ask for a dinner. First thing you should do is to drop the idea! She’s not in your league and all the hot chicks are already taken. So, look elsewhere.

Suppose there is a fairly hot and very cute girl, who’s single and whom you’re interested in. Now, we’re talking! You have a chance to score a romantic dinner here! The formula is very simple – wear a black leather jacket over a very white round-neck T-shirt and wear blue jeans and brown hiking boots. Don’t overdo the bling factor because you’ll look gay. No earrings, no rings on your fingers and most of all, no silver/gold watches that dangle! 😀

Walk real slow when you’re in their company and give them ample time to look at you and make their opinion. Even if you’re in a hurry, whenever you pass her seat, slow down and walk in real slow-motion. It helps. Do not bank on finding women in your new school or college or your new workplace. Go and hunt them out in all the places you never usually visit. The fact that you don’t visit these places and the fact that you’re single might give you a clue. 😀

Bald men are considered hot by some women, so before you go shaving off your precious hair, try to get the girl to tell you if she likes bald men. Not all men look good without hair. Some men have an unnatural bulge in their faces, and if you remove your hair, you look like something the cat dragged in. Big turn-off, don’t do it! 😀

The type of watch you wear plays a huge role in whether the girl accepts your offer of dinner. I suggest something black, not too flashy and something that doesn’t have hearts or bubbles on their faces. The hands of the watch must NOT by Mickey Mouse’s gloved hands! 😀

Women like music, as a rule. Some like house/trace music and some of them prefer soft rock. Other freaky women prefer really really heavy/death metal music, and a few of these strange women will probably turn you into a druggie of you get too close. So, be careful and don’t get into any more trouble than you already are.

Asking a woman out on a date is quite a tricky situation and can lead to disastrous effects. From a simple “No” to spending a night in the city jail, anything could happen depending on how you ask them out. Some despo-self-help books will tell you that the direct approach is the best way, but take my work for it, it’s not! Asking her out has to be a long-drawn arduous process in which, her tastes and dislikes has to properly researched. Since this depends on individual women, I won’t say much on this, except that you should not go up to the girl and say, “Hi, Wanna eat?” 😀

The choice of restaurant is also vital in building a fruitful relationship with the girl. Don’t take vegetarian girls to Barbeque Nation or KFC!! 😀

Being funny is absolutely vital, but make sure people are laughing at your jokes and not at you. It’s easy to get confused. And if they’re laughing at you, then laugh with them and call yourself a moron, because some girls like that! 😀

Be charming, be witty and be dumb. I know you’re probably very confused by now, but I can tell you that once you read this post again, you’ll feel really confident on approaching that girl of your dreams. Just don’t make it a nightmare.

Go forth, my friends! Ask them out! Show the Venutian Women what we Martian Men are made of!

May the force be with you!

(PS: If any of you want me to bail you out of jail after asking out a girl rather badly, I will be unable to reach due to logistic constraints! 😀  )

Image Courtesy: Hubbynet.com