A Man’s Best Friend…

… is not a dog, to put a common misconception to rest. It is, on the contrary, a very nicely-blended mix of scotch and soda, with lots of ice. 😀

I had been to a cocktail-dinner party last night at a seedy pub in a city, which had seen better days and the food left a lot to be desired. I wasn’t dressed appropriately, I had a bad headache, I had no intentions/interest/inclination/mood to attend the party, and yet, I had to go to fulfill certain commitments. Sigh, it’s been such a sad week so far, a week in which I reached a few decisions that I hope are the right ones and avoided a few more than I hope to avoid all my life! 😀

So, anyway, let me not get sidetracked. I’ll come back to the seedy dinner party last night, where I was sitting around, watching the horny cameramen take snaps of those vile and vulgar Page 3 crowd, and thought to myself, “Nikhil, you’re here, amidst a bevy of apparently hot chicks and over-fed, rich men and you’re wearing a dirty white shirt with sweat stains on the sleeves, a pair of trousers that are frayed around every corner and some weirdly horrifying pair of floaters – what’re you missing?”

Pat came the reply – a drink! 😀

I made my way to the crowded bar, where they were giving away free drinks, and I got myself a scotch and soda, and sat back and enjoyed the fake smiles around me. I watched the facade as a couple of dumb publicity hounder chicks in short skirts come up to me and say, “Hey, you are from…?”

I looked at them and said, “No, I am Nikhil,” and gave them my best I’m-not-interested smile.

They got the message and stopped following me around. Every room I entered in that pub, the terribly omnipresent Page 3 crowd was busy hugging complete strangers and getting their photo taken. And the photographers from these cheesy tabloids couldn’t get enough of them! “Get a room,” I wanted to scream out, when I realized that they had!! 😀

Anyway, I came back home around midnight from the party, and the only faithful companion throughout the party was my ever-present glass of scotch and soda. And when on my way back through the hauntingly empty streets of the city at midnight, a pair of dogs chased me, barking their lungs out, for almost two kilometers and that was when I decided that a man’s best friend is not really a dog. Dogs tend to change loyalties the minute someone offers them a juicier bone.

In a way, street dogs and those Page 3 photographers are similar – one is a filthy cross-breed that lurks the streets of town searching for a juicy ‘bone,’ and the other is a street dog! 😀

(Yikes!! Too vulgar?) 😀

Image Courtesy: Soumik
(Sourced from Google Image Results. I do not know this person!)

Published by Nikhil

Nikhil Kumar lives in Bangalore with his wife and their stuffed dog. They are both advertising professionals and lead very exciting lives on the streets, dodging traffic. Their fridge is filled with cans of Diet Coke and their water heater doesn't work. He doesn't smoke (up) anymore.

38 thoughts on “A Man’s Best Friend…

  1. Haha…. “Dogs tend to change loyalties the minute someone offers them a juicier bone.” Good thing dogs cant read and they dont blog! Thank God for that 😀
    (will put a sensible comment when i’m in a better mood 😀 😀 😀 . Couldnt resist the urge 😀 )

  2. lol …
    man i have never gone to a pub .. 😦
    i am 21 years old..
    he he ..
    dog is certainly not man’s best freind ..u prooved ur point 😀
    ..i am on time this time..other wise generally u cross 50 comments mark when i arrive 🙂

  3. Thats why I say keep cats not dogs 😀 Well as for the photographers, its their job. If i m getting paid for taking snaps I would obviously like to take as many as I can!!!!! And to attend a party, get to drink (maybe?), watch chicks and all this on job..it must be a dream job for some!! I think it was just the “not in mood/not inclined/disinterested” you that took all this so heavily and philosophically. 😀 Just a phase!!

  4. Ouch! Really foul mood eh?

    I can’t stand that Page 3 crowd either… & that explains why I stopped going out, and when I do, I strike up conversation with bystanders thinking they may be more interesting than what I am being put through! Phew! A loong line!!

    So, that was what you were contemplating about… being among page 3 crowd at work! & that’s what you don’t enjoy! But, you do like the work? & are now not sure what to do?? Is that right?

    Chill out.. Watch a movie, like Dark Knight! Don’t carry tension from work to home… 😀

    Am in some mood today.. Giving gyaan to everyone on everything! 🙂

  5. i too cant stand dat crowd… actually, i dun like pubs too much ..
    well, i agree wid scorpria .. dogs change loyalties !
    and abt photographers, its their job.. but yeah, they shouldnt overdo it ..

  6. @Anu
    “Dogs change loyalties…” is Nikhil’s line alright. I’ll never ever ever write anything against dogs… (after reading this, i’d probably write again Nikhil 😀 😀 😀

    I’m back with some sense (since yu discovered the sexual inclination of my bathroom 😀 😀 😛 )

    While in a fowl mood, even the girl yu’ve been longing to be with can irritate you 😀 So cheer up, buddy…drown some beer, curse a few ppl, shout “son of a bitch” at every dog yu come across, be a moron and get back to good humour 😀
    P.S.: I will not write against you 😀 😀 To Anu, i was jus kidding 😀

  7. Again, to Anu, i meant “(after reading this, i’d probably write against Nikhil 😀 😀 😀 )” t’was a typo!

  8. @Scorpria
    LOL…. Yeah! I guess so… I should do that! But isn’t calling a dog as a “son of a bitch” like stating the abvious things!??
    And three comments already from you! Hmmmm… xomeone’s feeling better, eh?

    Haha! Don’t worry, dude… you’ll get your chance!
    And congratulations on making it within the first ten comments this time!!

    Yeah!! It does sound like a dream job, but I wouldn’t wanna do it, because people like me would curse me on blogs and call me names!!
    It is just a phase, It shall pass!

    Of course… I am sorry! I am sorry! But there was no Old Monk in tht seedy place y’day! Had to settle for scotch!

    Trust you to come up with this!!

    Yeah, well… Long long thought process which I shall discuss with you in person!
    Not on an open forum… Hehehehe!! But yeah, pretty much, you nailed it… I am sighing as I type this!

    Ah! There you are! I was getting a bit worried! You’ve been inactive!

    Hhahaha!! You should definitely have come! But some … um… people are more important than parties, aren’t they? 😉

  9. I wish man’s best friend is a man. But unfortunately we dont trust each other so we want the dog to be our friend and we wonder why we fight so many wars. The truth behind page3 is probably more vulgar than just the juicy bone.

  10. hehhe…bad episode at a pub huh? I don’t think I’d ever catch myself say somehting like that, though must say I havent really gone since all these stupid rules came up. Will miss all the dancing 😦
    Page 3 people, haha, I remember going to a disc once and Lucky Ali happened to be there, loadsa cameras where happily clicking away, we did everything possible to avoid those. N those people would pose and pose and pose and pose like there’s no tomorrow! Anything for a pic on page 3 they say! 😀

  11. *horny cameraman * fake smiles lolz
    Dogs were not there to chase you but to warn you and castigate you to do not ever lurk around these pubs. Guess you missed the point.

    Of course you can’t compare a cunning cat and a loyal dog.

  12. Bow, wow! Growwwwl!

    Bowwww, wowoow bow! Grrr… brrrrrrrr… ggggggrrrrrrrrrr. Boww!

    – Scooby Doo

    (Monsieur, so you get to hang out at Page 3 parties eh? Chased down by chicks wearing mini-skirts eh?)

  13. Never been to a pub in all these years (27 damn), but no regrets, such places suffocate me !! but lucky u, getting chased by those gals, but then drive them away??? whats wid u, my friend 😀 ???

    and street dogs cant be a mans best friend, but the ones u have at home defntly are. My snowy would rip anyone apart the moment a stranger (to him!) even raises their hand 😀

  14. Aaah dukhi nikhil… But then you had your loyal scotch and ice!! so you survived 🙂 good for you! cant write anything else which will make sense! really yaar, i think i have got a commenter’s block, i dont seem to come out with any sensible comment!

  15. ….watching the horny cameramen take snaps of those vile and vulgar Page 3 crowd… … How true!

    But my best friend during philosophical moments like this is my Pack of Cigarettes 🙂

  16. I Like the last two para of your write up the most…….

    As Madhur Bhandarkar has already shown us the dark side of these glittering parties, which is nothing more than mere publicity gimmick and show off…….

    And far as the dogs are concerned………..

    Bezarras! were must be bitten by some neta, that have injected the virus of opportunism in there blood……..

    As the later one is seriously inflicted by that…… as he changes his loyalty with very new piece of bone thrown at him…….(unke aage to girgit( Chameleon ) bhi sharma jayaa)

    So please forgive those canines…….and if possible help them out….

  17. @ T
    Oh, so true, man! But I had to go the party! Free Booze!! 😀

    @Kris Bass
    Yep! Scooby Doo speaks the truth! 😀
    And yes, my life seems to be one big page 3 party! 😀

    Snowy? hehehe… i’m a big tintin fan too! 😀
    And you need to be careful… Some of these chicks are dangerous! Better safe than sorry! 😀

    LOL… No, i’m not! 😀

    Either that or my posts don’t interest you anymore! 😦

    Hahaha!! Oh, I forgot to mention those, did I? Damn! 😀
    They’re perhaps more loyal than scotch! And cheaper too! 😀

    Welcome to MirrorCracked! 😀
    I’d like to help them out, but I need to be sober to do that! 😀

  18. Kriss Bass has written exactly what I wanted to when I read the post.
    And boy! you are in quite a mood 🙂

  19. ROFL! prolly the ones who are ‘not’ street dogs will party all night coz, they cant take just the juicy ‘bone’ along with them 😀

  20. No way, buddy… u are the awesome blogger and put a big smile on my face when i read your posts, but sincerely i am unable to write any great comment these days! somethings wrong with me! i need a drink i guess, but i dont like the smell of it! 😛 🙂

  21. @Apar
    LOL… Yeah! Trust Kris to hit the nail on the head! 😀

    Hahaha!! Thoo… you pervert! 😀

    Thankfully not!! 😀

    Hehehehe!!! 😀

    Awww… Thanks! 😀
    Maybe you should hold your breath, close your eyes and gulp it down!! 😀

  22. Have u ever tried vodka with redbul .. I used to hv it in clubs when I was in US and i used to love it ..

    Vodka will make you sleepy while redbul, being a energy drink, will make you awake .. so brain cells do tend to confuse themselves a great bit and in return, we really get a nice soothing feeling of flying in cold fresh air and like that .. Try it once and I bet you will love it..

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