It’s A Burpy Ride!


I went to Chennai on Friday for a day’s work and caught the 9.30 pm bus back on the same day. It was a Volvo bus and quite comfortable. As soon as I entered the bus, the sticky humid heat of Chennai was forgotten and I settled into my cozy seat and put my feet up and pushed by seat back a long way until I heard the squeal of terror from an old hag sitting behind me, whom I’d just crushed, and sighed contentedly. It had been a tiring day, made more tiring because of the heat, and I’d sweated all the three litres of water I’d consumed. I took a long swig from my bottle of cold mineral water and held the bottle up against the side of my face. It felt so good. I could feel my body cooling down, and I smiled to myself. I’d be home by 5 am tomorrow, and in the peace and privacy of my own private toilet, I’d answer Nature’s calls. 😀

Just when my eyes were half closed and my mind was imagining something romantic, I heard heavy footsteps climb up through the door and I felt something heavy plonk itself down next to me. I ventured a peek and saw that there was a huge, obese man who was breathing heavily after his exertions of climbing up the three steps of the bus. He wheezed loudly and I thought he was going to have a heart attack, but thankfully, he didn’t. He had a bottle of water in his huge, pudgy hands and he drank half of it in loud gulps. He then leaned back in his seat, turned his head towards me and burped. 😀

I jerked up and glared at this mountain of flesh masquerading as a human being, and made my best angry-disgusted face. He excused himself and three minutes later, he was snoring away. I was apalled. I tried to forget the incident and read my book for the next hour, when the bus stopped for dinner at a wayside restaurant. The fat guy went down, and a few peaceful minutes later, came back up with a creame bun and some Ruffles Lays and these he devoured with an admirable speed. 😀

Just when I thought the trip would be uneventful, the jerk began picking his nose and rolling up his snot into tiny balls and tossing them around. I cried out loud within myself and covered myself with the sheet and tried my best to control my anger!

A harrowing 5-hour ride later, we entered Bangalore and finally, I was free from the indignations of the mountain of snot. The bus driver burped as I was alighting and the auto driver burped as I was getting into the auto. I caught a glimpse of the sky as I climbed in, and saw that the moon was crescent, almost resembling an evil smile! 😀

Published by Nikhil

Nikhil Kumar lives in Bangalore with his wife and their stuffed dog. They are both advertising professionals and lead very exciting lives on the streets, dodging traffic. Their fridge is filled with cans of Diet Coke and their water heater doesn't work. He doesn't smoke (up) anymore.

41 thoughts on “It’s A Burpy Ride!

  1. *He then leaned back in his seat, turned his head towards me and burped.* *the jerk began picking his nose and rolling up his snot into tiny balls and tossing them around.*

    Ewww ewwww ewwwwwwwww…gross!

    You should really have given him a piece of your snot…er er…mind! Such people should be humiliated as publicly as possible!
    I once went through such a thing…thankfully, she didn’t toss them around….the inhabitants of her nose were too evasive to be caught by her! But I did tell her to stop the bloody thing and do it in the private confines of her house — and was gleefully joined by a group of other people. She shrank into her seat nd looked at me murderously.

    And yea, BURP! 😀 😀 😀

  2. Somehow I dont think God has anything to do with this and this time He isnt guilty of playing with his YO-YO. Its the Indians!!!! Manners are something we learn in class 1 or 2 and forget them promptly.

  3. @Scorpria
    LOL… Oh god! What people we travel with these days! 😀
    We should just travel with each other, minding our own snot… business! 😀

    Hahaha! 😀
    Yeah… If i talk about that i’d sound hypocritical, coz I can’t deny that I’ve never pee’d on the streets or picked my nose or burped/farted in public! 😀

    BURP.. 😛

    Hehehe… yeah! 😀
    He was too weird not to notice.. 😀

  4. Tccch!!!! Poor You!!!!

    lol @ Symbolic evil smile…

    I think you are past that stage that God would give you ishaara’s & smiles (evil or whatsoever). And I think it was God Uncle in another of his avtaar sitting besides you 😀 bole to no need to send a third party he came khud se to spoil your journey 😀

  5. you’re lucky…
    coz you LEFT the place man!!

    ive been stuck in chennai for the last 3 months…counting my days till Nov whne I get out of here…

  6. Gas is a natural thing. It has to come out either from front or by the back. On anyday I would prefer a Burpy ride over a Farty ride. So if you look at it from that angle, you should be happy about your trip for not smelling all farty 🙂

  7. I really wonder if you make up such things or do they really happen to you?!

    You should have gone by train or by car!!

  8. Were they not playing any movie. When I went to Munnar in a volvo from Chennai, they played Khaka Khaka. I don’t know if you have heard of the movie?

  9. Oh,a huge obese man right beside you and snoring…
    Sure,must be with moustaches and bad odour!! 😛
    BTW,I’m occasional smo***..Successfully keeping it to once a week. 😀

  10. And it is also bloody amusing ! (not to u ofcource)

    this incident reminded me of my aweful terrible encounter in a pune train sharing seats with two oversized mountain of flesh masquerading as a human being –
    a super stupid fat couple – both of political lineage after their visit to the mantralaya – the woman whom was a lltt or squint had a funny look about her and her husband was constantly monitoring the signal of his reliance mobile as if to show everyone LOOK i have a mobile

  11. Oh My God! I totally hate these kind of people, I know the gas is natural, but u don’t have to be proud about it, I mean cover ur mouth and say sorry, damnit!
    I think Reema is right to some extent, cuz I specifically remember a lecture about putting ur finger in ur nose, given in my 1st class. I don’t know why I remember that particular thing, but I just do..!

  12. Murphys Law. In an empty bus, the seat next to you will be occupied by the winner of the ‘Chennai Nose Picking’ contest.

  13. I remember taking a 3 hour local bus ride to pondicherry once as a last resort. for the last time.
    Imagine being bombarded with desi tamil music on a tv with, not to forget two loudspeakers. 3 hours.


  14. Ewwww!!! Yuck!!! How do you manage to bump into such characters?!?! Magnetism?! 🙂 Well at least it made a good read for us 😉
    Che: Why should people not come to Chennai?! Just wondering!

  15. @Smita
    Hehehe… I did not think of that possibility!! 🙂

    Welcome to MirrorCracked! 😀
    You’ll get out soon, don’t worry!

    Not so far! 🙂

    Thank god for small favors, eh? 🙂

    @La Vida Loca
    Hehehe…!! 😀

    I don’t..!!! The fat jerk make perfect spheres out of them!


    Yeah, I guess so!! 🙂

    I don’t make things up! It’s true! And I didn’t want to drive my car for 7 hours and the trains were already overbooked 3 weeks in advance! 😛

    LOL… I’ve seen that movie… And no, this time, there was only FM Radio!

    Proud of you!! 🙂

    Thanks! 🙂

    @Ms Cris
    I couldn’t… The bus was full..!!! 🙂

    Hehehe… In such situations, you should’ve involved them in a serious political debate..!! 😀

    Hahahaha!! I guess this guy was absent the day they taught that in class..!! 😀

    Yup! Totally! Murphy’s laws! 🙂

    Welcome to MirrorCracked! 😀
    Yeah, there was FM radio on here also, some crappy tamil songs were being played! 😦

    Hahaha! Magnetism, indeed! 🙂
    I do not pick my nose! 😛

    Sorryyyyyyy… next time, i’ll put in a disclaimer! 🙂

  16. 🙂 unimaginable !!! its a life time rememberance…U shud have put Ipod in his ears so keeps on listening and stops snoring…lol

  17. LOL …..
    poor u ..
    … but then as reema said indians do forget basic manners when i public..
    i mean they can do anything while in their home..

    nice post.. 😀

  18. @Jemal
    And lose a valuable iPod…?? No thanks! 😛

    Hehehe… thanks man! 🙂

    Hahaha! Excused! 😀

    Hehehehe… I should’ve trashed him! 😀

  19. yew. Once a man next to me in a bus coughed up a huge amount of sputum, and spat it on the window pane thinking it is open (the glass was so clean!) and it went phtatch on the once-clean-not-anymore glass… i have motions sickness, so this new added visual increased my difficulty of keeping my breakfast down.

  20. @Apar
    Hmmmm.. Maybe! 😀
    try telling that to the girl i love! 😀

    hilarious link, dude!! I will do that! 😀

    LOL… thank god for ‘small’ favors! 😀

    Yuck!! 😀


  21. I had once seen a guy take out stuffs from his nose using his right hand, roll them into nice balls, and keep them on this left hand!!!!!!!..No idea why he was saving them..
    Am god damn lucky that he was not throwing them around as ur next seater was doing 🙂

  22. @Harsha
    Welcome to MirrorCracked! 😀
    Hahahahaha!!!! Some ppl in the world are totally weird!

    Hehehehe… I guess so! 😀

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