The ‘Butt’on Brigade

This post is for the person who gave me that screwball lecture on Global Warming,   😀

I sat through a long discourse on global warming and how it’ll affect the kind of clothes we wear on a daily basis. Apparently, the Earth is going to become too hot for us to wear clothes and we’d all be walking around butt-naked on the streets, sweating like pigs. Nudists are going to have a field day, however, but for the rest of us unfortunates, we will be forced to do something drastic to preserve whatever ‘little’ decency we have.

From the Stone Age to the Information Age and the present Boobage, we’re hurtling towards another Ass Age. Strangely, this comes just before the next Ice Age, and the two pronunciations are not to be confused. So, what do we do in this ex-ass-perating situation?

There will come a time when people’s butts will become a taboo – as taboo’d as the other ‘private’ parts. Unfortunately, people will not share the same obsession they have for these parts and we’ll see them being bared in public. But the butt, it’s gonna be highly private. Someone will invent a Butt-Guard or a Butt-Off or something similar in all shapes and sizes and fake ones too, that will protect the butt from prying eyes. More than anything, these inventions will prevent Ass Lovers from their eye-candy.

These Ass Lovers will create a secret society called the ‘Butt’on Brigade, and their main objective will be to beautify the backside through underground videos. Scores of people will be misled into joining the ‘Butt’on Brigade and kids as young as 10 will be brainwashed and made to join. Law and order will fail against the sheer numbers of the Brigadiers and the kids will create their own version called the ‘Little Asses.’

And since all the truths about Global Warming would have been proven to be true, the Governments of all the countries will decide that they need to ignore the ominous signs again. Their anal logic would be: Lightning doesn’t strike the same place twice, so why should Global Warming?

But the logic would turn out to be just that – anal and stinky, Global Warming would strike again, bringing an end to the Ice and the Ass Age. The taboos would return to normal. We’d be flashing our butts in public again and hiding other parts.

If only this fucked-up version of the future were true. Unfortunately, it’s just a dream. An ass-piration…

Published by Nikhil

Nikhil Kumar lives in Bangalore with his wife and their stuffed dog. They are both advertising professionals and lead very exciting lives on the streets, dodging traffic. Their fridge is filled with cans of Diet Coke and their water heater doesn't work. He doesn't smoke (up) anymore.

28 thoughts on “The ‘Butt’on Brigade

  1. errr….is that …mm…u kno…urs in the pic? pls tell me its not…PLS TELL ME ITS NOT !!!!

    Buddy, you have gone to yet another level of insanity with this post; im happy for you. Keep going……

  2. OMG! I pity you if you really had to sit through such a session on your well…
    I guess now being friday evening and all that talk would have you going to a cold beer?!

  3. omg .. u seem to be posting more n more out-of-the-toilet posts each day .. !!
    whose butt is dat ??? 😀
    u shd call ur blog butt-cracked now.. 😀

  4. //ex-ass-perating situation//
    ROFL!! gud 1!!!
    Now just follow this up with Al Gore’s ‘An inconvenient truth’…

    Looking forward to the next Hairy potter!!!

  5. LOL…I m laughin more on reading the above comments…!! Hope you get well soon Niks like Reema even I m worried about your health!!! 🙂

  6. i dont know what to say after reading this post! nikhil you remember those rehab blues …please make it sure you need not check in again ……lolz :D…..and it was kick in ass article 😀

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