4 Minutes, 400 Steps

Being a smoker is hard work, especially these days when we can’t smoke wherever we sit and work. I envy those people born a few decades before me, who enjoyed the freedom of smoking at their desks wherever they worked. They could also smoke in restaurants, public transport vehicles, pubs, coffee shops, anywhere without the fear of being fined, fired or shot.

Today, its a whole different story. The place where I work believes in a lot of green initiatives and one surefire way of discouraging employees from smoking is to place the smoking zone in a galaxy far, far away.

Now, I’m one of those people who possess a prosperous horizontal growth, and for me to walk so far to have a smoke is just too painful. I counted the time and distance it took me to reach the smoking zone – 4 minutes and 400 steps. One way. So, add another 7 minutes for an average cigarette and we get a good 15 minutes of a work-day wasted for one smoke. The stress sometimes makes me chain another smoke, so add 7 more, and we get 22 minutes. Four cigarettes in a day makes it 60 minutes and a maximum of 67 minutes in a day. Phew. Talk about losing productivity.

Maybe this is a sign that I need to quit.

Published by Nikhil

Nikhil Kumar lives in Bangalore with his wife and their stuffed dog. They are both advertising professionals and lead very exciting lives on the streets, dodging traffic. Their fridge is filled with cans of Diet Coke and their water heater doesn't work. He doesn't smoke (up) anymore.

5 thoughts on “4 Minutes, 400 Steps

  1. No, no, no – don’t give any thought to quitting!

    Oh, before I begin – a great blog you have here, you’re a talented writer with a wicked sense of humor!

    So, as I was saying – by way of introduction, my name is Roxy. Some people have called me a chain-smoking, half-drunken ex go-go dancer from the ’60s. Ehhh, they’re probably right. But I’m also a celebrity – and as a celeb, I decide where and when I smoke. Wherever I light up becomes the smoking section, and I dare anyone to stop me. I smoke on airline flights all the time… usually a fistful of money handed to the flight attendant takes care of things, but if not, I just give the stink-eye to any passenger who looks at me wrong. If all else fails, there’s always the lavatory – I’ve gotten pretty good at knocking the smoke detector off the ceiling with a high heel!

    I’m also aware of the claims concerning smoking and health – I’ve got that covered too. I have a custom ashtray on my exercise bike, right next to the cup holder for my glass of scotch. I’m not worried!

    Really, smoking makes us much more attractive and interesting people – it helped me to get to the heights of success I’ve reached. There’s nothing worse than being trapped in a room full of angry non-smokers; fortunately, I’m much angrier than any of them, and not afraid to fight to make my point.

    So I say, keep smoking! Maybe as an experiment, you could try lighting up at your desk, and if someone says something about it, shout a few obscenities at them in a loud voice. I’ve found that discourages 90% of them from persuing their complaint.

    Hope I’ve helped some – I’m on your side! And if you have time and like to smile, I’d like you to visit my blog sometime!

    A big dose of ’60s love from Roxy!

  2. “Nobody likes a quitter” so says this smoker. Seriously, my place of employment has done the same, but there are ways and means around that. I’ll just keep smoking and walking, walking and smoking. Not only will it ensure I get that fifteen minutes of fresh air, I’ll also get a smaller butt out of it for all the walking.

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