Valentine’s Day: A Cynical Deconstruction

Cupid Deserves To Die!Its finally here. The Day of Love. Loads of people around the world get married on this day, conceive their first-born kid on this day, break up and commit suicide on this day. I find the last two facts more fascinating, for purely statistical reasons.

I have been known by a lot of names on this blog, and ‘Love Guru’ comes to mind first. I have been known to write extensively on the subject of love, talking constantly about my girlfriends, praising their beauty and snubbing their stupidity, proclaiming my life-long love for a few and announcing my denouncement of a few. I have given advice for single men and women on how to pick up members of their opposite sex and I have given advice on how to break up without driving the other person to kill themselves or worse, commit homicide. But this year, in glorified 2011, I have decided to change tracks and expound on the disadvantages of being in love, the utter stupidity of having a ‘Day’ to express your feelings and cynically deconstruct the notion of paradise.

I am not doing this out of spite. No. On the contrary, its taken me 27 years to understand the true nature of relationships, the flimsy, see-through negligee that people cloak their statuses with. Never have I been this clear about my thoughts and feelings. Never have I been this single.

I don’t like it one bit – the whole world waiting on one stupid day on which, eons ago, some saint was burned at the stake. There have been stories written about this day, books published, movies made and documentaries shot, and all of them talk about the same lousy thing – if you love someone, you’ll pop the question on V-day. Bullshit. If you love someone, you don’t need a “day” to do it. After all, its a fantastic excuse to get someone into bed. Apart from this, I don’t think this day has any other relevance. I pity the  poor unborn souls who get conceived each year on this day – they are either a drunken mistake, a sober mistake or a mistake of improper contraception. A mistake, nonetheless.

I hate it when people text me asking who my ‘Valentine” is. I feel like slapping the crap out of them and wishing them a happy valentine’s day. Of course, I can’t do that. Or maybe I should. Ending up in jail on assault charges seems to be the best thing to happen to someone on this day. They will be spared the nonsense that wraps the world in a dense web of stupidity, pointlessness and vague references to a vague concept called ‘Love’.

Note to Cupid: Die, asshole.

Published by Nikhil

Nikhil Kumar lives in Bangalore with his wife and their stuffed dog. They are both advertising professionals and lead very exciting lives on the streets, dodging traffic. Their fridge is filled with cans of Diet Coke and their water heater doesn't work. He doesn't smoke (up) anymore.

3 thoughts on “Valentine’s Day: A Cynical Deconstruction

  1. Quite honestly, it doesn’t make a darn difference to me; and that is possibly because I am in the UK. All my Indian friends have been posting about VDay on FB & Twitter, while from an international forum, there’s not much noise about it. It is quite personal around here Yes, there were online sites that gave us discounts for items for the day in particular, but it is certainly not as overwhelming as it is back home.

    That said, I don’t see any reason to be for or against it. It is what it is. The day was ‘designed’ in part because the west, and in particular the U.S had very few festivals to celebrate, and this concoction of a day still comes with differing explanations about it’s origin.

    It is a twist of fate or a change in perception for your blog, though. It seems like you’ve had a paradigm shift.. Take it easy, young man. You have so many more years to live yet, and we want your energy to continue to spread the joy. 🙂

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